Why do Couples Fight?…
I asked my wife “where do you want to go for our anniversary?
She said “somewhere I’ve not been in a long time.”
So I took her to my parents’ house.
And then the fight started…
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started…
(Pro 15:15 NIV) All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast. To come to the feast, you must wear the feast garments. Eden experience- is about God and me alone. Forgiveness is the key to experiencing a continual feast. No hatred or bitterness towards anyone. It is something that is my choice.
God created man to have fellowship with him. This is the Eden garden. (Gen 3:8 NIV) Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day.
“Our intimacy with God – His highest priority for our lives – determines the impact of our lives.” Dr. Charles Stanley.
Intimacy is sometimes talking. It is talking secret things with my lover. Revealing our wounds and hurts to God and receiving His healing. Sometimes God holds our hands, says- let’s go for a walk. (Gen 5:24 NIV) Enoch walked faithfully with God; then he was no more, because God took him away. God told him “Enoch you have come a long way from the earth. You are closer to heaven, are you willing to come with Me? There he went with God. My wife and I go on bike rides. The speed is 10-20km. We talk, we pray, we are silent enjoying the breeze. Whatever we want to say to each other, we speak. Sometimes we drink soup on the roadside and eat some sandwiches on the roadside. Not even in a car or a dine-in restaurant.
When Adam and Eve sinned, yet God came to them. But they hid their faces. Yet God wanted to continue this relationship with man and woman and their descendants. (Gen 3:21 NIV) The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them. God killed an animal. He shed its blood down as a sacrifice and clothed Adam and Eve. It was God who gave the first sacrifice for the disobedient, fallen, sinful man. God took the initiative to forgive man. (Rev 13:8 KJV-BRG) “…Lamb slain from the foundation of the world.” Without shedding of blood, there is no remission of sin”.
People began to increase on earth. (Gen 6:5 NIV) The LORD saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time. They rejected God and his ways. They mocked and rejected their forefather Noah. God destroyed the entire human race sparing Noah and his family.
When Lot lived in Sodom, three men came to his house as guests. (Gen 19:4 NIV) Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom–both young and old–surrounded the house. Sin continued to increase. They wanted sex- same sex relationship. When Jacob lived in Shechem, (Gen 34:2 NIV) When Shechem son of Hamor the Hivite, the ruler of that area, saw her, he took her and raped her.
God told them (Exo 20:13-16 NIV) “You shall not murder. “You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. God gave around 613 commandments in the Pentateuch. When people failed to keep them, God ordered them to make sacrifices. When we break the commandments, God is told to offer sacrifices.
(Lev 3:1 KJV-BRG) And if his oblation be a sacrifice of peace offering, if he offers it of the herd; whether it be a male or female, he shall offer it without blemish before the LORD. When a sinner came to the Tabernacle, the priest examined not the man who came to sacrifice but the Lamb. The Lamb should be without defect- sinless, spotless, perfect, whole, full, sincere, and upright. This Lamb who died for us in the New Covenant is Jesus Christ. In Him alone all the above virtues could be found.
Because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, (2Co 5:17 NIV) Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here. All our sins have been transferred upon Jesus. (1Jn 1:9 NIV) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (Heb 8:12 NIV) For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”
Forgive and Forget? Has God forgotten your sin, my sin? After you confess your sins have you forgotten them? You can remember them. Then why can’t God who has created you and me? He says “I will remember your sins no more”. He has cast it out of His sight.
(Mat 18:21 NIV) Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
The Rabbis of those times taught them they can forgive three times. Peter said seven times, referring to perfection. (Mat 18:22 NIV) Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. God is not talking about the number of times. He is talking of the spirit of forgiveness to work for us.
I have asked God a few years back, people who sinned and insulted come and ask for apology. I will forgive them. (1Jn 1:9 NIV) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Forgive like Jesus:
Jesus was hanging on the cross. It was wounded in his head with thorns. They pulled out the hair on His face. Jesus was full of blood all over his body. He was full of pain and sorrow on the outside. The people who were outside mocked Him. In his arms pierced with nails. His back was beaten with the skin pulled out. (Mat 27:39 NIV) Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads. (Mat 27:41 NIV) In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. Jesus was full of physical sorrow, mentally down and devastated.
But all this happens on the outside. In His Inside, He had His relationship with His Father, praying. He was full of purity and holiness. There is no mark of blemish or defect in Him. He said “Father forgive them. They know not what they are doing. “Did the people ask for forgiveness? Did the people who insulted and mocked Him ask for an apology? No. They were still angry and furious. Even after Jesus’ resurrection, the chief priests were scheming against His apostles. But without asking for apology, Jesus released and forgave them.
(Mat 18:23 NIV) “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants.
(Mat 18:24 NIV) As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. (Mat 18:25 NIV) Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had sold to repay the debt. (Mat 18:27 NIV) The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
Ten thousand bags of Gold- 12 million dollars. It is 100 crores Indian rupees. He says he will pay such an amount. But it is not payable in his lifetime even though he and all his family members work throughout. The Master forgave this debt.
(Mat 18:28 NIV) “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
Hundred denarii. One denarii was the pay for a day. He could earn this amount in 100 days to pay the debts. Keep it four months to pay back his debts inclusive of his household expenses. (Mat 18:30 KJV-BRG) And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.
When the servant had not forgiven this meager debt of hundred silver coins, the King got him and brought out all his debts and demanded him and his family to pay for it.
Spiritual Meaning:
What God forgives you through the Blood of Jesus is 100 crores for you and me which are incomparable. What others owe to us insults, mocking, scolding or even beatings is hundred silver coins. It is four months wages. When you and I don’t forgive the debt of others, God will dig all that He has forgiven for you and me -the 100 crores and demand it to be paid. It is impossible to pay our debts to God. Our sins go unforgiven before God. (Rev 21:8 NIV) But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”
There were some people who were troubling me. I went to God’s presence for it. God told me to pray for them. (Luk 6:27 NIV) “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you. I was praying for them and blessing them. I heard and came to know that the person who hated me was going through some trouble and crisis. Involuntarily there was some happiness to hear that. I asked God why there is a feeling of happiness. Have I really forgiven that person? God was dealing with me.
My Grandfather:
When my grandfather was alive, another pastor had a misunderstanding with him. He came home and scolded him for 1.5 hours. My grandfather did not respond to him. After the man spoke for such a long time, he said “You have spoken enough, brother you can go”. My grandmother was upset and asked him how he was grieved. He replied that my reply was because of a bitter feeling I felt. He took the Bible, went to his room to confess it to the Lord.
After a few months my grandfather fell sick on death bed. This pastor came running to see him. My grandfather and others knew that he was going home. This pastor asked for forgiveness for the words he had spoken and asked his pardon. My grandfather told him “I will not forgive you”. He humbled again saying “Pastor. Victor please forgive me”. My grandpa said “The day you have spoken, I have forgiven you already.”
The real test is whether I forgave a person …
– Zac Poonen